Ricky Gervais Comic Relief 2007 Red Nose Day

New Geico Caveman Commercial

The Day The Music Died

Washington, DC - iPod, the trusted companion of Kenneth C Jones, passed away Thursday after a long bout with technical problems. iPod suffered a battery stroke yesterday at the Metro Center station of Washington DC's Metro Transit system. Jones shoved his companion into his bag resolving to fix the problem later as iPod does not have a health care plan. Upon arrival at his apartment/iPod E.R., Dr. Jones (known cheater with no time for love) noticed that the patient was exhibiting unfamiliar symptoms including a paleness in the screen area and flashes of this:

Angered, Jones attatched the device to several life support systems. Conditions did not improve. Medical texts were consulted to no avail. Jones had no option but to perform emergency surgery with a set of tiny instruments usually reserved for squirrel hip replacements. The surgery was sucessful in providing the iPod with enough power to continue spinning and displaying the "exclaiming folder" icon (which seemed to be shouting, "Thanks for all your files, they were fucking delicious! want this apple? nope, can't have it). Jones, having sated his curiousity for what iPod's guts looked like promptly forgot about his fallen companion and turned his attention to more important matters. iPod is survived by it's cousin, Pete's iPod and it's on-again off-again partner G4 Powerbook. No services are planned, but donations can be made to iPod's favorite charity, the "Buy a new iPod fund" housed at the Apple Store, Bethesda, MD.

Netflix Borat and Club Douchebag

After 2-plus dormant months I decided to resurrect this thing because when I googled "Kings Contrivance" this morning, we were the 4th link.

As I am prone to do, today I looked at the personal reviews on Netflix. They're friggin' great. I found a foreign guy (MOVIE GUY 8) and a fun rightwinger from Wyoming (MovieGuy from WY). I found both of these gems by looking up the Lance Bass/Joey Fatone movie "On The Line" and looking for favorable reviews.

This is my version of the Bill Simmons mailbag:
MOVIE GUY 8 - Although he did not take the time to review it, this Netflix customer did give 5 stars to Coming to America. Awesome.

Napoleon Dynamite - "If you are dum, you will enjoy watching people that are even more dummer. If you enjoy watching people that are less than you are, you will enjoy this. I prefer watching things from which I can learn. I prefer to be with people smarter than I or at least on the same level. That is how you grow. This movie was simply boring and dum to watch. After 20 minutes I felt that my IQ just dropped 20 points."

Austin Powers 3 - "Hmm, I don't understand the reviews that I see here... I didn't see the previouse Austin Powers movies but this was hollariouse. I watched it in the theater. Actualy I didn't know that we were going to see this but it was mad funny. The whole room of people laughed like crazy."

Glitter - "OK, I look at what people are saying and I can't stand it. If you are some one who only likes action, and gun fights and explosions, then you won't find this movie interesting, BUT if you have a soft side in you and you love music or a musician like me, you'll absolutely love this movie. It has a great sound if you got HOME THEATER, also has a dramatic scenes. I siggest you rent this movie and see for your self. I am a young guy, musician, and I loved this movie."

K9 - "I first watched this movie when I cam to US about 9 years ago. Since that time I watched it maybe another 8 times. It's great. James Belushi is awsome when it comes to acting. It is a great family rental. And if you don't have a family, you'll still enjoy this movie by your self. This is one of my most favorite movies of all times."

K9: PI (a straight to video release) - "Ok, I am a big fan of K-9 movies with James. I can say that the first K-9 from 1988 is still the best one. K-9 P.I. is better than K-911 but not better than the first K-9. It's a good movie, has several fun parts, I wasn't bored. It's pretty good."

MovieGuy from WY - Possibly Dick Cheney?

Black Hawk Down - "This was a very good movie. Makes you mad to see what Bill Clinton did to these brave men because of his disdain for our military."

Wonder Boys - "If you love stories about immorality you will love this one. Pot smoking, drug taking, homosexuality, wife swapping---its all here. Typical liberal Hollywood trash."

Pearl Harbor - "Great movie. Good entertainment. Even with Ben Afleck and Alec Baldwin it was still enjoyable."

The Patriot - "What a great movie. Makes you proud to be an American."

Ping! (a movie starring a chihuahua, Ron Howard's brother and (My name is) Judge Reinhold - "The kids really enjoyed this movie. Certainly not great--pretty much 'Home Alone' with a dog instead of a kid. Judge Reinhold certainly has more potential than this movie offered him the chance to show."

MVP 2: Most Vertical Primate(a movie starring a monkey and Al from Home Improvement, not to be confused with its predecessor MVP: Most Valuable Primate or its sequel MXP: Most Xtreme Primate. Click on these links, the covers are the highest of monkey comedy - "The kids loved this movie. They loved the first one and I think they thought this one was even better!! Fun for the whole family."

Also thanks to Jack for this and this. I know that douchebag!

Stay tuned for a rundown of Netflix reviews from people who loved the movie Rockstar.